NEW YORK, NY — The Goldman Sachs Group, Inc. has announced the sudden promotion of Chet Silverstein, a supervising copywriter, to Senior District 3 Deputy Marketing Manager following the employee's initiative in scheduling three unnecessary meetings in a single day.

"I have never been more impressed by a single employee than I am right now," said Goldman Sachs CEO Douglas Bonds. "When I was his age I would schedule a meeting here and there to waste everyone's time and maybe discuss the possibility of another meeting, but this absolute rockstar scheduled THREE."

"Lemme tell ya, this kid's going places."

Silverstein's meteoric rise comes after only three years of employment with the investment firm, but management confirms that if he keeps scheduling pointless meetings he will soon surpass them all.

The new Senior District 3 Deputy Marketing Manager says of his recent success, "I don't really know what I'm doing. So I set up a meeting to get guidance, but they told me I was the supervisor. That didn't sit well with me, so I set up another meeting. Same answer. The third meeting was about fantasy football, and we couldn't get Zoom to work. I'm just glad I can contribute."

At publishing time, Chet Silverstein had celebrated his exciting promotion by calling another meeting.

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