Man Wakes Up In Cold Sweat After Recurring Nightmare Of Going To School Maskless

AUBURN, NY—It was straight out of a horror movie. Richard Maxwell was in the lecture hall for a college class, and something felt wrong. That’s when he realized he was indoors without a mask.

“Everyone was staring at me,” Maxwell recalled. “I desperately tried to search for anything to cover my face but found nothing. So then I started to take off my underwear to use as a mask (it was the only thing I was wearing), but my underwear broke!”

And then he woke up.

It’s a common nightmare these days: being out in public maskless and vulnerable, completely flouting social mores and a 0.01% chance of death. “This would never happen to me in real life,” Maxwell said, “because I always keep five masks on me everywhere, despite being vaccinated, and I guess the fear of masklessness is buried deep in my psyche.”

“These dreams will probably never end,” said psychologist Emmett Sanders, “because people’s brains are all broken from the pandemic fear. There’s really nothing left to do except make fun of them as a bunch of dumb sissies.”

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