BABEL — Seba, son of Cush, became frustrated following an event dubbed by scribes as the "confusion of languages" after realizing he missed out on the sweet British accent some of the other people got.

"They sound so cool, like polite villains or something. I wish I sounded like that," said Seba in a series of sad clicks and whistles translated by newly appointed linguists. "When they talk, everyone listens to them because they sound so smart. When I talk, everyone cringes. [click-click]"

A survey of local Babel residents found that most are disappointed with their new language. Some have mimed that they wish they could communicate with their former friends, but they mostly wish they had a British accent. The results of the survey, however, are inconclusive because they're all speaking strange tongues we can't understand.

Most have reportedly split off into their own groups to be fruitful and multiply, abandoning the dream of Nimrod, founder of Babel, to keep everyone together and form a socialist utopia.

At publishing time, Seba abandoned his dream of a British accent after hearing them try to pronounce "water bottle."

World, meet Travis. Travis, meet the world. In this first episode of our new show Travis Interviews the World, we interview some guy named Jordan Peterson.