Did you know that you might be gay and not even know it? It's true! We've consulted with experts in psychology and sodomy to help you identify the telltale signs that you are a closet homosexual.
Consider these gay signs of homosexuality:
- You tried a Bud Light once: Scientific studies show consuming this beverage has the ability to turn you gay at the cellular level.
- You are a fan of the LA Dodgers: The gayest sports franchise in human history.
- You are attracted to people of the same gender: On some occasions, this could be a warning sign of gayness.
- Your wife shops at Target: Wives often bring the gay home and spread it to their husbands.
- You drive a Ford truck: You really don't have to be that flamboyant, for goodness' sake.
- Sometimes you have enjoyed country music: Oh--you didn't hear? It's gay now.
- As a young person you experimented with Disney movies: Should never have done that.
- You drink water: It already turned the frogs gay. You're next.
- At any point in your life, you have consumed something made by a corporation: Just come out of the closet already!
- You clicked on this list to see if you were gay: If you're reading this, we have some news for you.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
