WASHINGTON, DC — The Washington Post headquarters saw an unexpected intrusion this week after a real-live journalist became disoriented and mistakenly entered their building.
"You're looking to follow the truth wherever it takes you? Oh, you poor thing, you must be lost. We only do state-approved fake news here," said the receptionist to the confused journalist. "I'll have security help escort you to a real news organization." The normally bubbly receptionist for the building had given a wary greeting upon seeing the bright-eyed intruder, but as soon as the passionate journalist began spilling his soul's desire to seek out the truth and publish it to maintain a free and independent populace, the receptionist became condescending to the "sweet, naive simpleton."
While The Washington Post broke some of American history's most pivotal investigative stories as recently as the 1970s, it has recently become better known for publishing stories leaked to them by corrupt bureaucrats to help bring down political enemies. The confusion was cleared up when people started laughing during the lost journalist's rapturous speech about speaking truth to power and investigating corruption at the highest levels of government.
Sources confirm that a helpful staffer explained that reporters like Felicia Sonmez, Taylor Lorenz, and Amber Heard would be welcome to have their articles published without any editorial oversight, but that investigative journalists who wanted to expose lies and corruption would risk tarnishing the publication's stellar record of covering up stories critical of the powerful people paying their salaries.
At publishing time, the lost journalist started a Substack newsletter to expose government corruption to his 12 readers.
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