It's that time of year again when our wives, intoxicated by the powerful and mysterious aroma of pumpkin spice, break out the autumn decor and transform your home into a quaint slice of farmhouse heaven. But how much is too much? Here are 10 signs you may need to ask your wife to pull back on the fall decor.
- All your furniture has been replaced with bales of hay: So rustic!
- You just had Pumpkin Spice meatloaf for dinner: Savory and delicious.
- It's 98 degrees outside and she's wearing a sweater and drinking a latte: To be fair, this is what she does year-round.
- She told you she'd be wearing something sexy when you got home from work and it was an orange turtleneck with an orange vest with spiders and jack-o'-lanterns embroidered on it: Hubba hubba!
- The Hallmark Channel has asked to film a romantic comedy in your home: It's the perfect setting for Small Town Suprise Coffee Shop Kiss 2: Sensitive Rich Lumberjack
- Your clothes have just been washed with pumpkin spice laundry detergent: It goes great with the pumpkin spice lattes, the pumpkin spice candles, and the pumpkin spice essential oil she's currently applying to your forehead.
- All your shirts have been replaced with flannels: Now, go chop some wood so she can share it on Instagram!
- She insists on attending church in a hay-filled wagon pulled by a tractor: This is how the early church attended Sunday service, so it's biblical. Except for the tractor part, anyway.
- You just lost another child in the front yard corn maze: It's ok, you have plenty of other ones, right?
- She has reverse mortgaged your home to pay off her Hobby Lobby debt: Hopefully, Biden will announce some kind of debt forgiveness program soon.
NOT SATIRE: Talking to your wife about her Fall Decor can be tough. What else is tough is talking to your kids about how socialism is terrible, the government is not your friend, and the many lies they hear in the media these days.
We created a free guide called "Tuttle Rebuttals" that shows kids how to respond to lies like "socialism is good," "marxism works," and more.
Author, Tuttle Twins
Founder, Libertas Institute
Their culture is not your costume. DO NOT appropriate ghost, zombie, or vampire culture this Halloween.