Lone Holdout Still Clapping When Second Verse Hits
Church ยท Nov 11, 2021

VINEYARD HILLS, CA - According to sources at Christ Church of the Valleyhills, one lone holdout was still clapping when the second verse of "Your Love Is Strong" hit.

Witnesses claim everyone else in the church started clapping along with the tune when the worship leader said, "Let's give it all up to Jesus, church!" along with the chugging intro riff. Everyone had a lot of enthusiasm at first, sources say, but by the time the chorus hit, they were "dropping like flies."

People were shocked, however, when the second verse rolled around, and Karis Everly was still stubbornly clapping.

"She was just going for it," said one church member. "She seemed to have no idea that the rest of us had stopped clapping, like, halfway into the first verse. Very brazen. Very bold."

"The Kingdom of the heavens is now advancing!" she belted out while clapping along with the beat, being the only one still clapping in the congregation of roughly 200 parishioners. "Invade my heart, invade this broken town!" Anonymous sources have also claimed that Everly managed to clap all the way through the end of the song, though we have been unable to confirm these reports.

At publishing time, sources were also shocked and amazed to discover she was clapping on beat, because, you know, she's white.


Satan held a press conference today responding to the big loss of Roe v. Wade. He's doing his best to keep his chin up.

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