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Local Man Would Totally Overthrow Government But Then He’d Have To Get Dressed, Leave House, Ugh

TULSA, OK—Local man Lance Burton told his friends and family Tuesday that he would totally revolt against our “unconstitutional” and “power-hungry” federal government, but then he’d have to get dressed, leave his house, and, in his own words, “Ugh, that just sounds so exhausting.”

Burton often complains about government overreach online, stating that the government can try to “come and take it,” but admitted that he’d probably just let the feds “come and take it” if he just wasn’t feeling like doing much in the way of sedition or fighting for his God-given rights that day. “Depends on if there was anything good on Hulu at the time. Castle Rock‘s coming on in a little bit here, so if the police bust down my door to confiscate my weapons, I’ll have to take a rain check on putting up a fight.”

“I’d have to like, talk to people and stuff, and I’m just not sure I’m up for that right now. Maybe tomorrow,” he said as he changed his profile picture to the Gadsden Flag. “I am staunchly opposed to the government treading on me, but if the price to stop their oppression is having to walk around my house and try to find some clean clothes in order to organize a rebellion, ugh. I’m just not ready to adult that much today.”