MEEKER, CO — The new year started off optimistically for local resolution enthusiast, Carson Blenvy, who dove right into his resolve to lose 30 pounds of fat by taking a before photo to help document his future progress toward a sleek, muscular body.
Annual before photos: 15
Annual after photos: 0
"This year is different from the previous 15 years," said Blenvy while shopping for brand new workout clothes to match his renewed enthusiasm to burn calories and build muscle. "I have ordered a new water bottle and special protein powder that will actually triple my resting metabolism. I can already feel the fat melting off of me, this is amazing!"
Blenvy was later seen on Instagram asking friends and family to publicly urge him to stick to his goal no matter what curveballs life threw at him, and posted his before photo next to older posts of his 14 before photos from years past.
Hours later, life threw a wicked curveball at Carson Blenvy as he was walking to the running shoe store and was kind of hungry and the Corndoggo's food truck was just right there.
At publishing time, Blenvy had indeed taken another photo weeks later, but of his unused Total Gym™ to sell on eBay.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
