WASHINGTON, D.C. — According to reports, a group of clowns has gathered at the Capitol Building to debate over who should be the next king over all the clowns.
"Ok guys, quit clowning around!" said Clown Dan Crenshaw as he attempted to calm down the other clowns. "It's time to get down to clown business and figure out which clown should be Top Clown! Stop laughing guys, this is serious!"
Crenshaw then "honked" a giant red nose on his face and made a sad face.
Bob Latta, the honorable clown from the state of Ohio, concurred. "Kevin McCarthy is the right clown to be king of us clowns," he said. "Let's meet the clown challenges we were elected to tackle and get this clownery done for the United States of America." Latta then dove off a tall diving board into a tiny pool.
At publishing time, voting had been further delayed after a clown brawl broke out.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
