UNCASVILLE, CT — Despite living in the hometown of the Connecticut Sun basketball team and having no other professional sports franchises in the state, a local man has struggled to persuade his friends to join his WNBA fantasy league.
"C'mon, guys! It'll be super exciting!" said Kobe Hardin. "Who wants to just do the same old tired fantasy football league when you can watch basketball being played at a much slower speed with less scoring and no slam dunks? We can set the new trend!"
Kobe's friends expressed reluctance to embrace the concept. "There's a WNBA?" asked Kobe's roommate, Cody Faust. "Like the NBA, but with women? No thanks, bro. I'd rather install fiberglass insulation in the attic without a shirt on."
Hardin was undeterred in his quest. "I'm telling you, WNBA fantasy leagues are where it's at," he said defiantly. "Where else can you see the amazing hardwood skills of a Kelsey Plum? Or the unbelievable explosiveness of a Courtney Vandersloot? And who doesn't want a front-row seat in the search for the next Tamika Catchings? You can keep your touchdowns and iconic football rivalries, give me fast breaks that aren't really that fast!"
Kobe later resigned himself to the fact that he would likely be personally managing all 8 teams in his WNBA fantasy league by himself.
At publishing time, Kobe's friends were debating about what they would rather watch than a WNBA game, with "the DVD of Steve's colonoscopy" narrowly edging out "a complete anthology of Lizzo music videos" as the preferred choice.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
