NEW ALBANY, IN — A member of a local church of Christ, whose name has been henceforth stricken from the historical records, was expelled Sunday for pretending to play drums on his car's steering wheel.
"Awww yeah! Neil Peart!" the wayward sinner exclaimed before rhythmically assaulting his car's steering wheel while listening to "YYZ" by Rush. "Greatest drummer of all time!"
After a church member saw [name redacted] playing drums on his steering wheel in the church parking lot, she took it upon herself to approach him directly to discuss the matter. But when [name redacted] told her to "relax" because he was "just jamming." Later, she returned with another member to plead with him before being forced to take the matter to the church.
"This is serious, [name redacted], you must listen to reason," elder Jim Mathis said, imploring the steering wheel drummer to repent. "You were rocking out in the parking lot while everyone was inside sharing the Lord's supper."
According to sources, [name redacted] attempted to argue his case. "I was listening to Rush; you can't not drum. It's Neil Peart!"
"Goodness, man. Neil Peart isn't that good," Mathis rebuked.
In the end, the church parted ways with the wayward sinner under 1 Corinthians 5:11. He was officially marked as an Instrumentizer and was cast into outer darkness to be feasted upon by cosmic wild dogs.
At publishing time, the church had confiscated the former member's pitch pipe as the last act of excommunication.
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