FAIRFIELD, PA—Local parents Louis and Zoe Draper welcomed an adorable, 8 pound, 5 ounce, 20-inch-long tax credit into the world, sources at Mercy Hospital confirmed Thursday.
The exhausted but beaming parents welcomed the newborn Child Tax Credit into the world at 2:35 am after a difficult 14-hour labor.
“Awww, it’s a beautiful little two thousand dollar rebate,” the father said as he gazed at the bundle of guaranteed tax refunds for the next 17 years.
In a quiet moment after the flurry of activity as the tax credit was being delivered, the couple snuggled with the precious little refund from the money they give to the government each year and waxed poetic over what his life would bring.
“Just think, we could put a down payment on a new car with the money we don’t have to give the government to fuel its bloated, inefficient hierarchy,” Zoe Draper whispered as she stroked the Child Tax Credit’s precious little cheek. “What a special moment.”
A Calvinist couple in an adjacent room at Mercy Hospital welcomed an adorable little bundle of total depravity into the world at approximately the same time Thursday morning, sources confirmed at publishing time.