POMONA, CA—In an effort to bolster its diminishing youth attendance numbers, Pomona Life Community Church announced on its Facebook page Friday its upcoming “Tithe Your Age Sunday.”
Younger churchgoers are expected to line up around the block to get into the service, so they can worship God while only putting a small bill or two into the offering plate.
“This is a really great deal,” said Pastor Paul. “You get to worship alongside the people of God, all for the low, low price of your age, and no one can even give you a dirty look when you merely drop a 20-spot into the plate.”
“This great deal won’t last, so hurry in, millennials! We’re hip!” he said.
The pastor further stated that there may be up to a 12-hour wait to get into one of the church’s four weekend services, and that security would be standing by to look out for cheapskate older churchgoers trying to claim they are much younger than they actually are.
“I just feel really bad for Gertrude, our 102-year-old regular,” he added, shrugging. “But what can you do?”
Breaking: Paypal Now Available
Many of you told us you wouldn't subscribe until we offered Paypal as a payment option. You apparently weren't bluffing, so we finally caved and added Paypal. Now — like the unbeliever faced with God's invisible qualities displayed in nature — you are without excuse.