BOSTON, MA—Local believer Kyle Greenwood is still relying on equal parts of the Holy Spirit and large quantities of coffee to get him through each day, sources close to the man confirmed Wednesday.
"As believers, we have to acknowledge that we can't make it through the day on our own," Greenwood told reporters as he sipped a cappuccino. "That's why we need both the Holy Spirit as well as copious amounts of caffeinated beverages."
According to Greenwood, whenever he encounters a trial that seems too big for him to overcome on his own, he reminds himself that he has the very power of God available to him at all times, as well as unsafe quantities of coffee and coffee-based products coursing through his veins.
"It's great to know that God will never give me more than I, the Spirit, and eight cups of coffee can handle together," he said.