Lizard Person Gives Harrowing Account Of Being Harassed On Airline
U.S. · Jul 13, 2023 ·

DALLAS, TX — A local lizard man spoke with reporters to provide a detailed account of a shameful incident of outright harassment he suffered on an airplane while trying to travel from Dallas to Orlando, Florida.

"I wassss jusssst trying to fly to Florida and enjoy my vacation," said Lornax Enzerbile, a DC lobbyist, while describing the harrowing ordeal. "I wassss boarding the aircraft and minding my own bussssinesssss when thissss lady sssstarted sssshouting at me and making derogatory commentsssss. It wassss sssso disssssgussssting."

Video of the incident went viral over the past week, with many social media users debating what the angry woman was shouting about or what she had seen. Lornax maintained his innocence in the situation. "There'ssss no excusssssse for that type of behavior," he continued. "We're jusssst wanting to live our livessss like everyone elssssse. Do we secretly control the entire world? Yessssss. Are most of the high-ranking leaderssss and government officialssss sssecretly membersssss of my sssspecies? Yessss. But that doessss not mean you are allowed to ssssay horrible thingssss to ussss on airplanesssss."

American Airlines has publicly made no statement regarding the incident, though there have been rumors that the airline has gone out of its way to apologize to Lornax and make restitution for the suffering the harassment has caused. One executive from the airline agreed to make a statement on the condition of anonymity. "Look, we've dealt with this stuff before," the source explained. "We've learned the hard way that it's always best to smooth things over with these types of passengers. And by ‘these types of passengers,' I mean the lizard people."

At publishing time, Lornax said this incident, despite its ugliness, was unlikely to deter him from flying with American Airlines in the future and he was still planning to make it to Disney World this summer.

When guns are finally banned in the coming utopia, you may still need to defend yourself on the rare occasion.

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