DETROIT, MI — Fires, looting, and violence broke out across the city last night, as the Black Lives Matter movement marked the 10-year anniversary of its inception by setting fire to 10 more predominantly black neighborhoods.
"Why light candles on a cake when you can torch entire neighborhoods?" asked the movement's co-founder Patrisse Cullors when reached for comment at one of her palatial mansions. "We really want to use this momentous occasion--not only to show the world we're still here but to remind everyone of the effect we've had in black communities for the last 10 years."
As dozens of buildings were set ablaze, celebrants engaged in mostly peaceful destruction of property, smashing store windows, overturning vehicles, looting local businesses, and firing celebratory gunshots into the air. "It's such a historic moment," said MSNBC's Joe Scarborough. "There's so much revelry going on out there, you'd think the Pistons just won the NBA Championship. Truly beautiful to see this outpouring of emotion."
City and state officials welcomed the celebration. "These raging infernos burning parts of cities to the ground perfectly illustrate the burning desire in our hearts for racial equality," said Michigan Governor Gretchen Whitmer. "Nothing declares an undying commitment to raising the black community up to greater prosperity than utterly destroying their neighborhoods. I stand by the BLM movement in their efforts to make life more difficult for black citizens."
At publishing time, BLM leaders renewed calls to defund the police for their failure to respond to calls for help from the black community to save them from BLM.
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