WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a speech given this week, Vice President and Artificial Intelligence Czar Kamala Harris proudly announced that after months of dedicated research and extensive study, she has determined what the initials A.I. stand for.
"This discovery is the result of intense research," Harris said to the media. "It is with great pride that I am here to let the world know that the letters ‘A.I.' actually stand for ‘Artificial Intelligence.' At no point in the history of A.I. has this secret been known. I have gained this knowledge and now know this knowledge. Because after you gain knowledge, you then know it. This is how knowledge works. HA HA HA HA HA HA HE HE HE HE HA HA!"
Experts applauded Harris for uncovering the long-unknown secret. "All this time, I was wondering what it was I was an expert in," said A.I. Expert Professor Blake Rumsey at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology A.I. Lab. "The Vice President must have access to the most brilliant scientific minds in the world. It's wonderful to have such an intellectual powerhouse at the highest levels of our government. Thanks, Kamala!"
Harris maintained the importance of her discovery. "There is intelligence that is artificial, and intelligence that is actual," she explained. "There is also actual artificial intelligence, which in this case would be ‘A.A.I.' which I will now be learning about so that I may, in fact, know that knowledge."
At publishing time, Harris was reportedly telling her aides that her next task was to learn what the definitions of the words "artificial" and "intelligence" are.
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