PORTLAND, OR - Local liberal man Patrick Verde wears a mask everywhere, but there's just one problem: nobody can see how smug he looks over his superiority for wearing a mask. "If nobody can see how smug I look, what's the point?" he lamented to the Portland Politburo. "I'm so much better than everyone else, but they can't see my superior smirk." Verde often also wears a face shield, and the glare further obscures his haughty looks of superiority. Furthermore, when he goes grocery shopping, he wears goggles, and people can't even tell that he's looking down on them.
Sad! Not good!
At publishing time, he had decided to just wear a clear plastic bag over his head all day so people could still see his smugness.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
