DENVER, CO — A local 6th grader has been suspended and sent home from school after he was found to be in possession of a history textbook with an offensive image of an American flag on the cover.
"This imagery is unacceptable," said Marsha Jackson-Rodriguez-Ketanja, the school's principal. "How any young person could possibly believe that a school is the proper place to bring this textbook is unconscionable. History class is intended to be a safe space where students can be protected from all images that have origins in slavery — like this offensive, awful flag."
The boy, Tristan Lupascu, was undeterred by the suspension. "It's literally the flag of this country," he told reporters questioning him about the incident. "How is it supposed to be wrong to show the American flag in an American school? Plus, it's the textbook they gave us. I'm just the only kid who decided to bring the book to class. This is tyranny. Don't tread on me, fascists!"
The school and its district offices were soon bombarded with calls, emails, and social media posts demanding answers. "These calls from angry parents have been extremely traumatizing for our staff," said Jackson-Rodriguez-Ketanja. "All of our teachers had to go to therapy. We were forced to report the parents to the FBI for our own safety."
At publishing time, the boy's teacher and the school's principal had offered no comment after they were surprised to learn the offensive flag shown on the cover of the textbook was, in fact, the flag that represents the United States, and that numerous flags just like it were prominently displayed around the school itself.
DOGE is here, and Elon and Vivek will eliminate millions of government positions