KENOSHA, WI - In order to protect their lives and homes, Kenosha residents are painting "Black Lives Matter" over their doorposts just in case local Antifa communist rioters don't like the Rittenhouse verdict and decide to burn the city down again.
"We hope this small gesture of fealty to the Antifa enforcers will keep us safe," said Dale Cheesehead, local husband and father of 4. "Perhaps they will see the graffiti on my doorposts and spare my firstborn son, as well as my three other kids, my wife, my dog, my cars and my house. Please don't burn down our house Antifa!"
Experts are warning that unless Kyle Rittenhouse is found guilty, Antifa will torch the whole place to protest the self-defense killing of 2 white attackers, in order to demonstrate that black lives matter.
CNN is even warning that protests could be even worse than last year, when they were mostly peaceful. "If Rittenhouse isn't found guilty, we may even see partially non-peaceful protests this year," said one anchor.
Other residents have opted out of painting their doorposts, and will instead hire Kyle Rittenhouse to protect them.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
