SAN FRANCISCO, CA — Kathleen Kennedy was reportedly very sad to leave Lucasfilm before she had the chance to make a trilogy of Star Wars movies about Rey getting her first period.
Kennedy ushered Lucasfilm into its Disney era by overseeing the development and production of the disjointed Star Wars Sequel Trilogy, the middling standalone Star Wars films like Rogue One and Solo, and exactly one live-action series that was pretty good for two seasons in The Mandalorian. Yet she is leaving without accomplishing the project she felt would be the crown jewel of her accomplishments: telling the story of Rey's first period across three blockbuster films.
"It's a shame this story will never be told," Kennedy said in a statement. "My only regret after 14 years in this job is that I didn't have the chance to tell Rey's most inspiring chapter. We only had three movies with Rey, and that's not enough screen time to really develop her character in the way that we wanted or dig into important and culturally significant topics like her menstrual cycles."
Kennedy said she had the whole saga mapped out.
"In the lore in my head, when Rey got her first period, that is when her character really developed into the flawless Mary Sue we see in the sequel movies. Fans need to see that. Her period made her instantly good at everything she did."
Kathleen Kennedy also said, while wiping away her tears with a hundred-dollar bill, that the worst part of being handed a multi-billion-dollar cash cow in the Star Wars franchise was that she felt intense pressure to produce content that the fans wanted to see and not what she felt they needed to see.
"The fans! Oh! They were the worst!"
At publishing time, Kathleen Kennedy was sad to leave Star Wars but said that she would always be proud that she produced a series about a coven of lesbian space witches conceiving children by the Force.
AI won't take these jobs!
