HADES — Demons happily welcomed 27-year-old Jim Carole to Hell on Tuesday after he was immediately condemned to eternal damnation for texting "LOL" to a close friend when he didn't really laugh out loud.
"Ahh! It Burns! MY FLESH IS BEING TORN OFF MY BODY!" Carole said in an apparent response to his recent circumstances. "I WANT TO DIE! MOMMY! MOMMY!"
According to Heavenly sources, texting "LOL" when not actually laughing out loud is a clear violation of the ninth commandment prohibiting the bearing of false witness. "That's just Lying 101," said Steve, an angel. "It's one of the worst sins you can commit. People think they can get away with it, but they can't. Straight to Hell."
After a brief meeting with Saint Peter in which he was informed his presence would not be accepted in Heaven, Carole was cast into the outer darkness where there is weeping, gnashing of teeth, and demons screaming "LOL!"
"LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL," the demons said in unison as Carole writhed in pain in the fires which could not be quenched, where he would remain until he could be cast into the Lake of Fire.
At publishing time, Heaven announced that it was also a sin to text "ROFL" without being a Pentecostal.
Do you think you can guess which one is the terrorist?
