SAN FRANCISCO, CA — Just in time for St. Patrick's Day, San Francisco officials spared no expense in dyeing all the poop on the city's sidewalks green.
"Wow! It's so festive!" remarked one homeless man. "I should poop on the sidewalk more often."
The project, spearheaded by Mayor Daniel Lurie, was reportedly a clever way to capitalize on the St. Patrick's Day holiday while also making the city's sidewalks slightly less revolting.
Residents reacted favorably to the festive new sidewalks and claimed that it made the city feel that much more Irish. "There's still poop everywhere, but at least it's green," said one city resident. "Reminds me of Lucky Charms, only way more horrifying. Thanks, Mayor Lurie!"
Other residents agreed. "It's so easy to spot now. No more stepping on poop for me," said another resident. "Too bad it's just for one day, though. I wish it was St. Patrick's Day year-round!"
Although the response was mostly positive, some criticized the mayor for what they called mixed-up priorities. "If we were going to go through all the trouble to track down every piece of poop just to dye it, why didn't we just clean it up?" City Treasurer Dick Nimitz questioned. "It would've been more affordable and sanitary for everyone. Oh well. Green poop for everyone, I guess."
At publishing time, the Irish community of San Francisco, feeling as if they were being mocked by all the green poop, made plans to move out of California.
Do you think you can guess which one is the terrorist?
