Politics
Kanye West Seizes Opportunity To Be Most Rational, Coherent Presidential Candidate

LOS ANGELES, CA—Noticing a lack of rational, coherent, sane presidential candidates, Kanye West announced this weekend that he will be running for president. The move surprised everyone who hasn't been paying attention to 2020 at all so far.

Campaign advisers recently approached West suggesting he run for president since there was a desperate need for a candidate who could string together something resembling a rational thought. After thinking it over and talking with the Kardashians, West decided he would jump at the opportunity to be the only major candidate who uses words in their proper context and order as a normal human being would.

"I just noticed that there weren't any candidates running with important characteristics like sanity and coherency," said West. "We must build a VISION 2020 campaign that trusts GOD and brings the power of YEEZY to the people!"

"CHICK-FIL-A!"

To jumpstart his campaign, West is also offering a free Chick-fil-A #1 with a lemonade for those who pledge their votes to him, for a limited time only.

Breaking: PayPal Now Available

Many of you told us you wouldn't subscribe until we offered PayPal as a payment option. You apparently weren't bluffing, so we finally caved and added PayPal. Now — like the unbeliever faced with God's invisible qualities displayed in nature — you are without excuse.

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