U.S. — Vice President Kamala Harris released a video to let followers know that with the Presidential race over, she is now completely unburdened by sobriety.
Kamala called for supporters to imagine what could be, such as getting totally blitzed on a random Tuesday -- unburdened by what has been, such as not drinking two bottles of merlot and washing it down with a Dixie cup full of trash can punch.
"You guys... you guys. You're so powerful, and pretty, and UGH! Don't, don't--burp--don't, don't ever let anyone take your power from you. Don't you leave your power lying around, like an old sock. You promise me," said Kamala, a tear rolling down her cheek. "You guys. Why didn't Beyoncé sing? Just like, not even one single lady?"
Secret Service agents explained it felt like old times again, before the campaign. "It's nice to get back to the familiar," explained Agent Sam Reynolds as he tried to get Harris to have some sips of water. "Trying to keep her sober for 107 straight days was a nightmare, and frankly, filled with failure. It really is a burden lifted."
At publishing time, local police officers had received several reports of a woman erratically driving a yellow school bus down Pennsylvania Avenue.
Watch as Democrats try to figure out what went wrong this election.