WASHINGTON, D.C. — Providing inspiration for the dreams of diligent little girls across the nation, Vice-President Kamala Harris has courageously demonstrated that if young women decide to work really hard, they too can someday be passed over for a promotion by a less qualified candidate who slept with the boss.
"I'm just so thrilled to see what's in store for me in the future," said Ruth Flanigan, an industrious, straight-A student who hopes to become a successful lawyer one day. "You mean that I can work myself to death only to see a 29-year-old sleep with the married 60 year-old boss, and then steal my promotion? That's every little girls' dream right there. What great news for women's rights! Way to shatter the glass ceiling, Madam Vice-President!"
While some girls have protested that this arrangement "doesn't quite seem fair," their concerns have been dismissed as "racist and sexist."
At publishing time, little girls around the world had also been elated to learn that if they trained their entire lives, they too could get knocked out of the Olympics in under a minute if a man decided to simply cheat.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
