LAS VEGAS, NV — Vice President Kamala Harris attended a town hall with Latino voters last night, where she opened by greeting the crowd with "Dónde está la biblioteca?"
Wearing a sombrero and carrying maracas, Kamala hoped to make inroads with Latino voters that polls show are set to vote Republican in record numbers. "Ola! Yo quiero Taco Bell!" said Kamala to the crowd, shaking her maracas. "Please-o elect-o me-o, por favor! Haha!!"
After an uncomfortable silence, the Univision moderator opened the town hall up to questions. "Thank you for taking my question, Vice President," said attendee Felipe Munoz. "I am concerned about the number of drug traffickers coming into our state. How will you help stop the flow of drugs into our community?"
"I was born into a 'meedle-class familia', as your people would say," responded Kamala. "We liked to take care of our lawns, which you people would know something about, right? Who doesn't love a freshly cut lawn, am I right? Haha!"
At publishing time, Harris had closed the town hall by shooting pistols in the air and tossing tortillas into the crowd.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
