Brought to you by:
With Halloween right around the corner, it's time for everyone to settle in to watch their favorite scary movies. Still, depending on your political stance, you may have a completely different view on what makes a scary movie.
To help everyone's liberal friends, The Babylon Bee has compiled the following list of the scariest movies for Democrats:
Juno: It's about a teen girl who gets pregnant... and doesn't kill the baby. So messed up.
Braveheart: A movie about a group of insurrectionists who shout "FREEDOM!" and also a gay guy gets pushed out a window.
The Matrix: Neo gets redpilled — literally.
Kindergarten Cop: One of the students spouts blatant bigotry by describing only two genders.
The Patriot: A pro-America movie that features people rebelling against the government... and it stars MEL GIBSON?!
Bambi: Guns! Murdering animals! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!
It's a Wonderful Life: A man decides not to end his life, thereby failing to reduce the dangerously high human population.
Mrs. Doubtfire: This disturbing movie shows that a man pretending to be a woman only makes everyone laugh.
Rocky IV: A man literally wearing the American flag defeats communism itself with nothing but his fists. Frighteningly problematic.
Home Alone 2: Lost in New York: The hotel lobby scene features the most terrifying cameo imaginable. Can you watch it without shrieking in terror?
Feel free to share the list above with your liberal friends, but it's a safe bet that no Democrat can even make it through reading it without running out of the room screaming.
NOT SATIRE: We finally did it. We made a movie. And it's glorious.
We've been your trusted source of fake news for years. You've laughed at our headlines. You've shared our viral videos. A handful of you have listened to our podcast. But now, for the first time ever, we've written and produced a full-length mockumentary.
January 6: The Most Deadliest Day is a groundbreaking, soon-to-be Academy Award-winning film that exposes what really happened on that fateful day.
Available now to Babylon Bee subscribers.
Check out the new, improved, more inclusive D&D.