WASHINTON, DC — In an awkward turn of events, Presidential candidate Kamala Harris quietly canceled the release of wife-beater tank tops featuring her husband's image after revelations that he was, in fact, a woman-beater.
"Um, probably not a great look right now," said campaign chair Julie Rodriguez. "Let's go ahead and cancel that order and maybe not mention this ever again."
Three witnesses came forward this week who say they saw Second Gentleman Doug Emhoff strike his then-girlfriend in the face during a party in New York City in 2012. The Harris campaign quickly defused the rumors by refusing to answer questions from the press and ignoring requests for statements. Sources close to Kamala say the order for the wife-beater-style tank tops was already placed before the allegations came to light.
"Kamala is furious," stated an anonymous source. "She told us this was our fault for allowing members of the media to know who her husband is. Also, she asked us to get Hillary on the phone so the Clintons could get in touch with the woman who was assaulted. She didn't say why though."
As of publishing time, the Harris campaign had released a statement reiterating that women must vote for Doug Emhoff to be in the White House in order to protect women.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
