PLYMOUTH, MA — After seventeen hours of deliberations over the span of three days, a jury was still struggling to decide whether murder is wrong.
The deep nuances of the case delayed the decision, with jurors facing intricate legal and moral questions such as whether it's fine to methodically strangle your own kids one by one.
"Oof. This is a toughie," said Juror number seven, reviewing the facts of the case. "There's so much to consider here, like if luring children down into a basement to murder them is bad. I'm really at a loss here."
According to anonymous sources, the jury had concluded that squeezing the life out of a puppy while it desperately struggled to breathe was bad, but they were not yet sure if that applied to humans. "We are pretty confident that choking puppies to death is wrong," said an anonymous juror. "If they are your own children, and you're not feeling good, maybe it's okay. We just don't know. Agh, this is hard!"
At publishing time, the jury had asked for more time to further discuss whether triple homicide is, in fact, not good.
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