Judge Bars Joel Osteen From Being Within 1,000 Feet Of A Bible
Celebs · May 15, 2019 · BabylonBee.com

HOUSTON, TX - A state judge has ruled that Joel Osteen be barred from traveling or residing within a 1,000-foot radius of any copy of God's Word, the Bible.

The hearing was held Wednesday morning. A somber Osteen hung his head as the sentence was passed down.

"Based on your previous treatment of God's Word, civilized society can no longer allow you to be anywhere near the Bible," the judge said before pronouncing Osteen's sentence. 

"May you repent of your false prosperity gospel, and may God have mercy on your soul," he added before slamming his gavel down.

The ban is effective immediately. Osteen must wear an ankle monitor that tracks his location. Should he come within 1,000 feet of a Bible, authorities will be alerted. Luckily for Osteen, his personal Bible fled his house several years ago, and there are no copies to be found at his church. So he should be safe from violating the ban anytime soon.

Ready to join the conversation? Subscribe today.

Access comments and our fully-featured social platform.

Sign up Now

You must signup or login to view or post comments on this article.