Politics
Journalists Justify Loudly Cheering On Biden As It’s Needed To Keep Him Awake

WASHINGTON D.C.—There has been some controversy with the change in press coverage of the Biden Administration versus the Trump Administration, as the press seems to have exchanged their adversarial role and replaced it with long stretches of clapping and obnoxious cheering. Journalists justify this change in tone, though, saying that they need to loudly cheer on President Joe Biden in order to keep him awake.

“Today, I’m going... to talk about...” Biden mumbled at a press conference before nodding off. He was startled awake, though, by one reporter exclaiming, “Wow! It’s Biden! He’s so great!”

“The only way to keep him energized so he doesn’t fall right asleep is with lots of loud encouragement,” said one reporter who wanted to be anonymous because of the prestige journalists give to anonymous sources.

During the press conference, reporters shouted things at him like, “Look at you, answering questions! You’re so smart!”, “You’re so good at presidenting! Keep it up!”, and “Hey, that’s a neat watch you have! Want to tell us about it?” When all else failed to keep Biden awake, Biden was given some ice cream while all the reporters exclaimed how neat it was to see him eat ice cream.

Despite all the efforts of the press, Biden eventually became tuckered out and curled up on the floor and went to sleep, which led to reporters filing a bunch of stories about how much more peaceful the Biden administration is than Trump’s.

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