WASHINGTON, D.C.—Journalists, as well as some actual people, are outraged after First Lady Melania Trump unveiled her White House rose garden redesign over the weekend. The new design features roses, zig-zag hedgerows, and a modest 50-foot topiary carved into the shape of Donald Trump.
The topiary was sculpted by renowned artist Fizzini Spiezzacuccini and depicts a standing Donald Trump looking out stoically over the White House Grounds.
"This is a sad day for America and the world," CNN correspondent Jim Acosta cried as he walked through the garden. "This place was a paradise, a true Garden of Eden, with an untouched beauty unlike anything the world has ever seen. And Trump ruined it! As if Trump desecrating this sacred ground with his mere presence wasn't enough, First Lady Melania has desecrated it further with this giant Trump-shaped bush!"
Protestors have already gathered at the White House fence to demand the bush's removal. In his nightly address to airport terminal workers across the nation, Don Lemon declared the bush to be an "existential threat to democracy itself." Nancy Pelosi has directed the House Ethics Committee to conduct a thorough investigation.
Trump supporters, however, are thrilled with the decision and have already begun their pilgrimages to DC to witness the majestic sight as the autumn leaves on the Trump-shaped statue turn orange.