LOS ANGELES, CA - America's Got Talent is taking contenders out of their safe spaces this season with their latest pick for celebrity judge: Canadian professor of psychology Dr. Jordan B. Peterson.
Peterson's brash and uncompromising style caused even Simon Cowell to shift in his chair as the outspoken judge responded to one contestant, "this is pure neo-Marxism!" He said this while gnawing on a giant, barely-cooked cow rib.
One of Peterson's most controversial moments came when he told an eight-year-old contestant his performance was "absolutely appalling," and that he needed to "grow the hell up and get his life in order." The boy's mother came on stage and snapped back at Peterson, saying he was being "a mean white man."
"Well that's a hell of a thing to say in a talent show," Peterson responded. He then went on to tell the young singer, "Your performance showed a level of ignorance of 20th-century music that is so astounding that it could be seen as a form of miracle - or it showed a kind of malevolence that is almost unspeakable." When the boy insisted he had done well, Peterson finalized his comments by saying, "Well think again sunshine, you're not that good." The comments are now part of a YouTube video with over 30 million views titled "Jordan Peterson Annihilates AGT Snowflake."
After one performance Peterson called "complete drivel," judge Howie Mandell contradicted the professor claiming it was one of the best performances on the show. "I don't think there's a shred of clinical evidence to support that," Peterson replied. "Let's get precise about one other thing. What was on display here was pure postmodernist garbage."
One contestant attempted to perform "I Will Survive" using armpit fart noises but got rejected by all the judges. When the contestant claimed they had been judged unfairly, Peterson replied, "You have no idea how much this oppression narrative has saturated your thinking," which was met with raucous applause.
Peterson is expected to continue his role as judge for the remainder of the season on AGT, as long as he doesn't attempt to force anyone into a monogamous relationship.