AUSTIN, TX — Comedian and podcaster Joe Rogan, a professed believer in dragons, pushed back against naysayers by presenting a thought-provoking argument, asking if dragons weren't real, then what exactly was he riding through hyperspace on while smoking pot with machine elves last night?
"You can't explain it, can you?" Joe Rogan asked, addressing his podcast audience. "This chick from the view — Joy Behar — is mocking me for believing in dragons. But if dragons aren't real, then how did I traverse hyperspace while smoking a joint with the machine elves last night? It could only have been possible with an interdimensional dragon."
Rogan, who had previously discussed his use of the psychedelic drug DMT while spending time immersed in a sensory deprivation chamber, assured the public that the event had actually taken place and could not possibly have been a hallucination.
"This was an interstellar dragon named Nimrod and I rode him through a wormhole," he explained. "It was a wild experience. This one was very real. Even the machine elves were freaked."
The former News Radio star explained that, despite popular belief, dragons don't breathe fire. They instead breathe god particles that influence a human's perception of space and time. "They're out there blowing holes in space and time with their breath and eating fractals," he said. "It's awesome. Craziest thing you'll ever see. So explain that, Joy."
At publishing time, Rogan had invited Joy Behar to be a guest on his podcast so they could debate dragons in person, but she politely declined.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
