WASHINGTON, D.C. — President-Elect Donald Trump's cabinet picks continued to stir up controversy on Capitol Hill and across the country, as he announced that he had officially nominated Catturd for FBI Director.
Trump's nomination of the right-wing social media personality surprised people from all parts of the political spectrum. Most mainstream political commentators heavily criticized the decision, with many of them citing Catturd's lack of law enforcement or legal experience and propensity for posting replies to their X posts that get more shares and engagement than the original posts themselves.
"We love Catturd, don't we, folks?" Trump said in response to the public outcry. "He's a great guy, very smart, very talented. Let me tell you, folks, he'll run a better FBI than James Comey ever did. Very sad, James Comey. He was a dirty guy. 'Dirty Jim,' we call him. Very sad guy. We think that the FBI will turn things around under Director Catturd. And that's quite a hat, I must say."
While Catturd had not yet commented publicly on the nomination, many conservatives were optimistic that the FBI would spend less time spying on American citizens if the bureau's director was distracted by social media all day.
"That would be great — and if he could post some sick memes every now and then, I'd be down for that," said U.S. citizen Brandon Bailey. "Oh, look — he's having a public argument with Three Year Letterman on X. That's what I've always wanted in an FBI director."
At publishing time, Catturd had publicly accepted the nomination by making several irreverent posts on prominent liberal accounts on X.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
