WASHINGTON, D.C.—The media are praising Joe Biden after his amazing work in rescuing a local boy named Timmy from a well, after Biden pushed him down the well last week.
"So brave! So competent!" said an MSNBC anchor of Biden's heroic effort to pull little Timmy to safety. "We've never seen a president do such a good job at pulling a little kid out of a well before. It's historic!"
According to sources, Biden shoved Timmy down the well after the young lad looked at him funny. "That little snot-nosed kid looked at me sideways!" Biden growled. "He's a bad dude! He belongs at the bottom of this well that's here on the White House lawn for some reason! Adios compadre!" Biden then shoved the boy into the deep pit and grinned triumphantly.
Unfortunately, Biden's actions began to cost him in the polls, so he decided to go back and try to get little Timmy out. After dropping him two or three times, he finally called a nearby Marine to pull the kid out as the gathered crowd of reporters clapped and cheered.
"Good job Mr. President!" they all said.
Unfortunately, Biden was unable to save two other kids he shoved down the well last month, but everyone assumed since they didn't hold on to the rope that they probably didn't want to get out anyway.