Politics
Biden: 'I'll Survive The Coronavirus Just Like I Survived The Black Death'

COLUMBUS, OH—In a campaign speech delivered via remote video feed, presidential candidate Joe Biden reassured everyone that the coronavirus outbreak "isn't so bad" and that "the Black Plague" was much worse.

Many have expressed fears that Biden, who is too old to be called a boomer even, wouldn't make it through this pandemic. And Biden put those fears to rest.

"Trust me -- I've got firsthand experience with this -- the Black Death was far worse," Biden said. "We made it through that, and we'll make it through the Coronavirus outbreak."

"I'll survive this Coronavirus thing just like I survived the Black Death."

Biden reminisced about how doctors would slap leeches on him to try to cure him of the Black Plague and how everybody was dying back in the mid-1300s. They'd also dance around in circles and ward off diseases with garlic and cloves, not unlike what women with essential oils do now. "If we could beat that, we can beat this. Trust me -- I was there."

(He is old).

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