UZ — Job, famed tycoon of sheep, camels, oxen, and donkeys, has fallen upon hard times, losing much of his fortune and all his children in a single day, as well as being stricken with painful boils. The bereaved Job has found some respite in the form of visits from key friends, who brought with them a thoughtful "Hang In There" cat poster.
"We saw you bereft of all your earthly possessions, and even your health, so we sprung into action with loving and wise counsel – as well as this poster." Eliphaz the Temanite spoke to Job sitting in ashes and scraping his boils with potshards, according to sources, and handed Job the relatable poster to decorate his squalid ash heap.
"We thought we should counsel him to ‘Let go and let God,' but that seemed like pretty heavy theology for a time when what he needed was to feel heard – so we have brought this poster to comfort our friend." Bildad the Shuhite spoke to ancient near eastern reporters about their first visit to Job, adding that things were getting awkward when he last checked, as Zophar the Naamathite was still hovering near Job trying to hand him the poster and Job insisted on weeping and wailing.
At publishing time, Job's friends realized they were in over their heads and decided to gift him a subscription to "BetterHelp.com."
In this instructional video, Chinese soldiers are trained how to shout the wrong pronouns at American forces: