WILMINGTON, DE — With Title 42 set to expire tonight, First Lady Jill Biden was thrilled to hear that the country will soon be flooded with record numbers of breakfast tacos.
"Oh! I do enjoy colorful and diverse breakfast tacos!" exclaimed Jill from her back porch as a breakfast taco house servant served her a mimosa. "How fun! I also can't wait to meet all the breakfast burritos, tortilla bowls, and cute little tamales! Yay!"
Sources say the First Lady, who is also a Doctor with a real Ph.D., has already begun to prepare for the influx at the southern border by firing all her minimum-wage groundskeepers. This will allow her to hire new groundskeepers for less than minimum wage when they cross over tomorrow.
"On behalf of the CEOs, the wealthy landowners, the stockbrokers, and the powerful elites, I would like to welcome you all to our country," said Jill Biden in a statement. "You will be extremely useful to us, whether you come with tomatoes and sour cream or not."
At publishing time, Hunter had also welcomed the new arrivals and inquired as to whether there would be any unaccompanied minors coming over soon.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
