AUSTIN, TX — In an absolutely genius move, Elon Musk has announced a plan to save at least 22% on Twitter executive salaries by hiring a female CEO.
"This is just another step toward making Twitter financially viable," said Musk in the announcement. "When I initially told this individual she got the job, she asked for a very small salary and then just started apologizing a bunch. Easy savings!"
Sources say multiple questions remain unanswered, like whether the new CEO is an internal hire from the company, how soon she will be taking the reins, and whether she's currently carrying Elon Musk's child.
The name of Twitter's new leader will be announced in the coming weeks.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
