BETHSAIDA — The amazing reputation built by a Galilean carpenter-turned-traveling rabbi grew even more impressive this week, as Jesus of Nazareth miraculously turned a plate of disgusting oatmeal raisin cookies into chocolate chip.
The multitude of men, women, and children had reportedly grown faint in the heat of the day and were asking for some type of sweet treat. Though a small boy volunteered his snack bag, the crowd was thrown into despair when it was discovered that he only had oatmeal raisin cookies. Jesus then reportedly saved the day by turning them into something more edible.
"It was an act of God," said Judah, a man from Capernaum who witnessed the event. "We were all starving, but this dumb kid only had oatmeal raisin cookies. Nobody was going to touch those things. But then Jesus quieted the crowd, raised His hands up toward Heaven, uttered a prayer, and they were turned into chocolate chip cookies. It was the most joyous experience of my life. Even better than when he healed my crippled leg last week."
The boy was amazed at what the Lord had done with his humble offering. "I didn't think God could use my cookies," he said later. "I wondered if the oatmeal raisin would make me an outcast for the rest of my life. But Jesus turned my lowly oatmeal raisin cookies into something delicious. Truly, this must be the Son of the Most High."
At publishing time, Jesus' disciples were rejoicing as they picked up 12 baskets of leftover chocolate chip cookies to take with them on the road.
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