The Babylon Bee has obtained a list of demands submitted by Ohio senator and Republican vice presidential candidate JD Vance ahead of tonight's vice presidential debate against Tim Walz.
As is common practice, debate participants must agree on the rules ahead of the debate. It is currently unknown which of Vance's demands have been implemented. Vance's demands include:
Vance is allowed up to three gay slurs.
Walz must be asked a question about Pikachu so Vance can tell him to shut up about it.
Woman moderators are not permitted to speak, they are to remain silent. If they have questions, they can ask their husbands at home.
Every question to Vance must begin with a compliment about his beard.
A brief 10-minute break to reapply eyeliner.
Walz must keep his hands to himself, no touching.
No questions about anything Vance said about Donald Trump before 2023.
While it remains to be seen which requests will be granted, an inside source has confirmed that Vance has a sweet beard.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
