TEHRAN—In response to the United States’ recent killing of top Iranian general Qasem Soleimani, Iran announced on Tuesday it will no longer pretend to abide by the 2015 Nuclear Deal between the two nations.
Sources confirm Iran has already dismantled its Department of Compliance Chicanery and fired its Director for Nuclear Deal Duplicity. “America is the Great Satan and cannot be trusted,” a spokesperson told reporters. “They do not deserve our sham adherence to an agreement we never intended to follow in the first place.”
Iranian officials then revealed that their National Center to Help Children and Orphans and their Department of Puppies and Candy were actually nuclear facilities in disguise this whole time. Shocked New York Times reporters watched as Iranian officials pressed a button at the Center for World Peace and Also Cake and Ice Cream, rotating the walls to reveal it was actually a nuclear research center.
At publishing time, North Korea was threatening to stop faking compliance with its nuclear restrictions.
Get Free Access To Our Brand New Site: Not the Bee
After creating The Babylon Bee in six literal days, Adam Ford rested. But he rests no longer. Introducing Not the Bee — a brand new humor-based news site run by Adam himself. It's loaded with funny content and all the best features of a social network. And the best part? Everyone with a subscription to The Bee gets full access at no extra cost.