ABERDEEN, SD — Local parents of a young girl have grown concerned that she may be rife with internalized misogyny as she was seen pretending her Successful Lawyer Barbie™ was just a mommy.
"We grew concerned when Tabitha turned Barbie's genuine Mark Cross leather briefcase into a changing table for Barbie's baby nursery," said Tabitha's father, "More abhorrent, she stuffed Barbie's camel hair overcoat into the charcoal, pinstriped business suit to make her look...ugh, pregnant!"
Desperate, the bright, progressive couple implemented a few brilliant tactics to save their daughter from draconian sexism before it was too late:
- Purchase a Ken Barista™ doll to make Barbie's home life feel more normal
- Paint small BLM and LGBTQ signs for Barbie's front yard
- Buy the Successful Home Business Barbie™ set complete with headset so Barbie spends her day on her iMac making money and ignoring her children
- Set up a Barbie Abortion Clinic™ next door
- Force Tabitha's brother to play with the Barbie dolls until it feels normal to him
At publishing time Tabitha's parents had been shocked to discover her mommy Barbie wearing a MAGA hat and carrying a tiny Bible.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
