U.S.—A local state governor brought the house down this week with a rousing press conference that left everyone in tears. As people around the state watched, intently waiting for the governor to give them hope, or at least permission to get a haircut, the governor gave a speech to remind his citizens where their hope truly came from.
"Only my benevolent power can save you!" the governor said. "There is still time to accept the government as your own personal lord and savior! With every head bowed and every eye closed, I want you to take this moment and invite the government into your hearts right now. With no one looking around, just silently repeat after me as I recite the Oath of Fealty."
As the governor recited the oath, several people in the audience and press pool were seen tearfully mouthing the words.
The governor looked up solemnly from the podium and said, "If you repeated that oath after me would you just raise your hand? No one looking around now, no one looking around. Mmm... I see that hand... I see your hand as well... and yours."
Some journalists were so moved, they walked down the aisle of the briefing room to kneel before the state flag and seal. They were met by a panel of elders in lab coats who quickly signed them up for the "New Believers Class" where they will be instructed in the holy ways of SCIENCE.
According to sources, the press conference was so successful that the governor plans to hold press conferences every night in a big tent and extend the lockdown until every citizen is converted.
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