WASHINGTON, D.C. — The upcoming presidential election took an interesting turn when, in a devastating blow to Democrats, the United States Supreme Court ruled today in favor of following the law.
The landmark decision upheld a Virginia law passed by Democrats in 2006, which required the removal all non-citizens from the commonwealth's voter rolls, leaving the Democratic Party's candidates with the significant challenge of trying to convince only American citizens to vote for them.
"This a crushing ruling for Democrats," said journalist Mark Halperin. "No one expected the Supreme Court to rule in favor of following the law. Having to rely on American citizens to elect candidates in American elections flies directly in the face of everything we stand for. They'll have to start from scratch and convince actual Americans to vote for them. Not good."
Prominent Democrats were outraged by the historic ruling. "This is an abuse of power!" said Harris-Walz campaign spokesperson Madison Leeland. "Where does the Supreme Court get off telling people they have to follow the law? Following laws is fascist. This is what we can all look forward to in Donald Trump's America — being forced to adhere to laws. In fact, being forced to follow the law should be against the law."
At publishing time, political analysts predicted a sharp drop in votes for Kamala Harris in Virginia, leaving the campaign pinning all its hopes in the commonwealth on generating more turnout among its key dead people demographic.
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