U.S. — In a bizarre sight, tens of millions of garbage bags have been reported gathering outside polling stations across America, eager to cast their vote for former President Donald Trump.
"It's the craziest thing. These garbage bags started lining up 6 a.m., and they just kept coming," said election worker Dave Stanton, surveying the mile-long line of garbage. "That's some seriously motivated garbage."
According to exit polls, a remarkable one hundred percent of the garbage planned on voting for Trump, without exception. "We had no idea how many bags of garbage there were in this country," said pollster Richard Blinken. "Millions and millions have rolled up to the voting booths, and they just keep coming. Incredible, there's not a single one voting for Kamala. I've never seen anything like it."
Despite being labeled deplorable refuse, the bags of garbage seemed to feel a sense of hope and dignity in casting their ballots. "I know I'm just trash that powerful people want to get rid of, but I'm still holding out hope," said one bag of garbage as he left the polling station. "I really believe that us lowly pieces of garbage can make America great again."
At publishing time, the garbage bags had expressed thanks that at least no one thought of them as hateful Nazis.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
