BILOXI, MS—Really smart experts everywhere are pulling their hair out with frustration due to thousands of uneducated people not realizing leading voices in critical theory and social justice activism changed all the definitions of every meaningful word in the English language just a few days ago.
Tensions escalated today when Dale Smithers, a Facebook user from Mississippi, wrote the comment: “I dunno... as a white man, I don’t think I’m a racist or that America is a racist country.”
At that ignorant statement, thousands of well-educated voices at universities around the country suddenly cried out in terror and refused to be silent.
“I literally just can’t with this guy,” said Xandace Bertheratrix, Dean of Race and Gender studies at NYU. “Doesn’t he know that whiteness isn’t a race but a system of oppression, and that maleness isn’t a gender but a system of oppression, and that America isn’t a place but a system of oppression, and that it’s literally impossible for those things to not be racist? I mean, come on, man!” Dr. Bertheratrix barely got her sentence out before hyperventilating and collapsing on the floor.
Unfortunately, the NYU staff overheard Xandace use the non-inclusive phrase “come on, man.” She was quickly carried off by campus social justice enforcers.
Further investigation revealed the horrifying truth that Smithers didn't even know the definition of any of these terms:
- Non-consensual co-platforming
- Brown fragility
He has been ordered to take reeducation courses or his farm will be canceled.